


What Does The Lizard Say

by BookWyrm07



Series: A New Goal [13]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Cards Against Humanity, F/M, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Sexual References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-23 21:13:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20225557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookWyrm07/pseuds/BookWyrm07
Summary: Isaac brings his imagenary friend to pack game night.





	What Does The Lizard Say

#

"Scott and Malia are on the way with pizza," Liam said as he came back into Theo's library. The pack members were all gathered around the big table in the back, under the Hogwarts mural. For once there were no mythology books, no maps with color coded death pins, no crisis. It was just his pack, his family. 

Mason and Corey sat next together, fingers intertwined. They kept kissing each other's wedding rings. It was disgustingly adorable, and Liam couldn't be happier for his friends. Stiles had his arm around Lydia. She leaned into him, laughing. They look like a happy couple despite being broken up. From their mingled scents Liam could tell they were still sleeping together. 

"None of them are Greek. None of them have ever even been to Greece. They don't even have Greek ancestry. I don't know why you keep saying they are," Isaac argued with his imaginary friend. The tall werewolf kept insisting that a large lizard man had moved into the apartment with them, but only he could see, hear or smell him. At first, Liam had dismissed it as a prank, but a week later and he was still insisting the lizard man was real.

"If lizard man is real why doesn't he write us a note, or move something? He could show us he's real," Mason suggested. 

"He won't." Isaac pouted. "He says The Greek Army hunted his people to near extinction, and he's hidden from them, so if you can't sense him you must be 'consorting' with them." His eyes roamed over the room to the door. "So now you're going to pout? You're the one that moved in here without invitation, Kevin. You can't really complain that the help isn't what you were expecting when we never offered it to begin with."

"The only one I consort with is Theo." Liam grinned and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Your imaginary friend is a prejudice, home invading lizard man named Kevin." Stiles looked at Lydia. "Are werewolves susceptible to schizophrenia?"

"Who was the last person to poop?" Theo asked. He came into the library holding black box with white writing on it.

"I would guess you, but mostly because you ARE a giant piece of shit," Stiles quipped.

Theo rolled his eyes. "The rules state the first card czar is the person who most recently pooped."

"I'm pretty sure the answer to that is Scott. Malia said that was why they were running late," Lydia offered. 

The door opened, and Scott and Malia came in with three large boxes of pizza. As the food was dished out and Theo's homebrew distributed the chimera explained the rules for the night's game. "The czar draws and reads a black car with the prompt. Everyone else plays a white card. Czar pick their favorite. Winner keeps the black card as an awesome point. First one to ten awesome points wins." 

When everyone was settled Scott started the first round. He mixed up the white answer cards before flipping them over and reading them out loud.  
"Why am I sticky? German dungeon porn.  
Why am I sticky? Bees?  
Why am I sticky? Boris the Soviet love hammer.  
Why am I sticky? Puberty.  
Why am I sticky? A gassy antelope  
Why am I sticky? Inappropriate yodeling.  
Why am I sticky? Pre-lubing."

Each answer produced smiles and a few giggles, but Mason, Liam, Theo, and Corey burst out laughing at the last one. "If pre-lubing make you sticky, you are not doing it right," Corey added.

"I'm confused. What's pre-lubing?" Malia looked at the giggling guys.

"It's walking around feeling like you've shit yourself and hoping you get laid," Liam answered.

"Still confused." Malia shook her head.

Mason cleared his throat and tried to talk with a straight face. "You know how people have a couple of drinks before they go out and call it pre-gaming?"

"Werecoyote." She pointed at herself and held up her bottle of beer. "This is the only alcohol that works on me."

"But you know the concept?" Corey asked. She nodded. "It's like that, except for butt sex."

"Oh my god." Stiles covered his face with his hands.

"It's how Mason and Corey get busy quickly in various public places."

"Inappropriate yodeling!" Scott yelled. "That's the winner." He held up the black card. Lydia took it with a smile. The deck passed to the next czar and the game continued. 

The pizza was eaten. Everyone was on their second or third beer. The game was filled with jokes and laughter. Even Stiles and Malia were less antagonistic to Theo than normal. Theo read the card, "In the new Disney Channel original movie, Hannah Montana struggles with blank for the first time."

There were giggles and smirks as people played their cards. Malia and Scott looked at each other and the rest of the pack members. The only sign someone new had joined the gathering was when Isaac rolled his eyes and scooted closer to Corey before picking a card, but he didn't say anything. Malia shrugged and played a card, but she stared at the space directly to Isaac's left. Scott continued to look at the members of his pack and the empty space near Isaac.

"Are you going to play, Scott?" Liam asked.

"In a minute," the alpha said. He looked to Isaac's left. "I'm Scott McCall, alpha of this pack. I don't know why everyone else is ignoring you, but I would rather be polite and say hello."

"Uuh, Scotty, who ya talking to?" Stiles asked.

"The seven foot tall lizard man that just sat down," Scott said like it was obvious.

Isaac raised his hands in celebration. "You can see Kevin, too!"

"He's real?" Mason asked. Theo frowned. Scott and Malia both nodded.

"How come you guys can see him, but the rest of us can't?" Stiles asked.

"Isaac, you said that Kevin said we couldn't see or hear you because we must be part of or consorting with the Greek Army, was that the word he used, consorting?" Lydia asked.

"Oh my God!" Blood rushed to Liam's face turning it bright red. He laughed nervously. 

"I'm really getting tired of being confused," Malia grumbled. 

With a nod from Lydia, Liam explained, "It has to do with how the Greek Army trained it's soldiers, specifically how they taught 'unity and brotherhood' and encouraged loyalty." Isaac and Malia still looked confused. Only Mason showed signs of realization. Liam bit his lip, and took a deep breath. "The only thing I can think of that Stiles, Lydia, the Greek Army and most gay couples have in common is anal sex."

"Well, that can't be it," Isaac said, then immediately closed his mouth. His cheeks turning pink.

Theo laughed. "But, I'm guessing you topped, and it was with a woman?" Isaac nodded, still red in the face. "The rest of us have had real dick up there."

"Theo, you do not, nore will you ever know anything about my sex life," Stiles insisted.

Theo smirked, his eyebrows raised. "When Liam and I picked you up from the airport you were walking a little funny, and smelled like another guy's come." 

Scott spoke so loudly he almost yelled, "You're here for a reason, Kevin, how can we help?" Scott and Kevin talked. The others tried to follow, but that didn't work for the ones that could only hear half the conversation. The half they could was mostly "Okay," "yeah," and nodding, so it was far from interesting or informative.

Stiles glared at Theo. Mason and Liam shrugged at each other. Corey spoke up hesitantly, "hey, Lydia?"

She smiled, a threat more than humor. "My sex life is none of your business, and ask that question I will scream the brown note and make you shit your pants."

"I don't know if that is even real, but do you want to risk it?" Mason asked his husband.

Corey thought for a moment before he said, "Did you know I Want It That Way by the Backstreet Boys is about doing it in the butt." 

They fell into a good natured argument. Liam insisted Corey was right, while Stiles insisted it was just pop dribble written in Sweedish then translated, badly, into English. Mason pulled up the lyrics and they began going through them one by one.

"Sorry guys," Scott said, interrupting the debate, "the Hunters attacked Kevin on his way through town. We're going to give him a ride up to Oregon, make sure he gets home safe. If we leave now we can get back by tomorrow afternoon." 

There were waves and fist bumps goodbye, and Liam reminded them to check in once and awhile. When Scott, Malia, Isaac and presumably the giant invisible lizard man left. Theo gathered the cards. "New game?" he asked.


End file.
